Human Skills: Trust · Step 2: Repair · Let's Practice!
Responsibility
Spot the avoidance tactics — the ones we all reach for
Here's the human part first: our brains resist admitting mistakes, because owning one can feel like a threat to our sense of being good, kind, and competent (Schumann, 2018; Sherman & Cohen, 2006). So we reach — automatically — for a tactic that protects the story of ourselves as the "good guy."
Four of those tactics show up again and again. Learning to spot them in others (and, honestly, in ourselves) is the first move toward taking real ownership:
Denial — it didn't happen, or it wasn't really a problem.
Blame-shifting — it happened, but it was someone or something else's fault.
Minimizing — it happened, but it's not a big deal.
Justifying — it happened, and here's why I was right to do it.
About 5 minutes · There's no grade here — just practice.
Part 1 · Which tactic is in play?
A leader has just been shown evidence of a mistake. Which avoidance tactic is this?
The four tactics you can now spot
None of these make someone a bad person — they're the brain protecting its "good guy" story under threat. Spotting them is what lets you set them down:
Denial rewrites the facts: "That's not what happened."
Blame-shifting moves the fault outward: "If they had… I wouldn't have had to…"
Minimizing shrinks the stakes: "It's really not a big deal."
Justifying defends the choice: "I had to — there was no other option."
Now let's practice the harder move: what ownership actually sounds like.
Part 2 · What does ownership sound like?
You cut off a colleague twice in a team meeting this morning. Afterward, they seem withdrawn. You realize you owe them something. Which response actually takes ownership?
Every mistake is a challenge — and the tactic you reach for is the response you can choose.
Trust = consistent Responses to Challenges over Time
Setting down the tactic and owning your part, again and again, is how a team learns you'll tell them the truth even when it costs you something. That's the response trust is built from.
Now head back to the book and the Responsibility reflection: which of these tactics do you reach for — now, or in the past?